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Home DUCTS.ORG Issue 12 | Winter 2003 the webzine of personal stories
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SuperShaver 8

Laura Buchholz

Introducing: The new SuperShaver 8! Womette’s new razor with not one, not two, not six, but eight different blades!

Other razors just remove hair, but the SuperShaver 8 goes all the way to the root of your problem, ensuring that you’ll never have to shave, ever again. Let’s take a look.

1. The first blade gives you an even, clean shave, while

2. The second blade cleans up any stubble left behind.

3. The third blade uses natural moisturizes to soothe your skin before slicing through it like butter, eliminating insidious pores where hairs hide out.

4. The fourth blade eases your fascia from the underlying tissues, allowing your moisturized integument to slip effortlessly into the garbage can.

5. The fifth blade gently lifts away your capillary system, leaving a cool, tingling feeling that says “beyond smooth”.

6. The sixth blade then deftly slices evenly through your quadriceps and adjoining nerve bundles without a single stray nick or cut.

7. The seventh blade, with the help of Supershaver’s easy-to-grip handle, will glide effortlessly through your femur. Its ease and convenience will leave you lightheaded, wondering how you managed to make do with your old razor all those years.

4. Blade eight, which comes with our patented disinfectant strip, will clean up any debris left behind. Gently set your emancipated limb aside on a neatly folded towel, and repeat on the remaining leg.

Note: You may experience some bleeding the first time you use SuperShaver 8. In fact, you may bleed profusely. This is normal (also, you may black out). If you do nothing to stop the bleeding, you may rest assured that it will never happen again.

How did you ever survive without us? SuperShaver 8. The last razor you’ll ever own.

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