by Jonathan Kravetz
There has been a trend, recently, to mine old television series and movies for cinematic material. We do not approve of this trend here at ducts and wondered if it would continue. Thus, we did a little investigating and discovered that, in fact, matters are going to get a lot worse!
What follows is a short list of some of the movies in development in Hollywood right now. It's a travesty, this lack of original thinking, and we want to be the first to take a stand and say this: we're mad as hell and we're not gonna take it any more!
12 Angry Men and a Baby
Quote from the movie:
Steve Guttenberg: "You don't care about your son or justice or any of us, damn it. You're just a bitter old man out for revenge."
Tom Selleck: "Quiet, you'll wake the baby."
Spartacus and Hutch
Quote from the movie:
Spartacus: "I'm Spartacus."
Slave 1: "I'm Spartacus."
Hutch: "What's he talking about, Spartacus?"
ET&T
Quote from the movie:
ET: "ET phone home."
Operator: "Yes, but would you like to switch to our new long distance service?"
A Sesame Street Named Desire
Quote from the movie:
Oscar the Grouch: "Stella!"
Big Bird: "S - T - E - L - L - A"
My Dinner With Andre the Giant
Quote from the movie:
Wallace Shawn: "But I'm not sure I believe you can simplify like that. I enjoy the little things in life, spending an evening with my wife, having a nice meal, curling up to a good book."
Andre the Giant: "Are you going to eat those bread sticks?"
Beethoven: From Hairball to Eternity
Quote from the movie:
Young Jim: "Papa! Beethoven is choking on a hairball!"
Jim's cynical papa: "What the hell is he, a cat?"
Doctor McCoy: "He's dead, Jim."
Homo Alone
Quote from the movie:
Generic Bad Guy I: "Quick, grab the Liza Minnelli records."
Generic Bad Guy II: "Look out behind you!"
Rocky Balboa and Bulwinkle
Quote from the movie:
Rocky Balboa: "I got's to come out of retirement, Bulwinkle. This guy killed my wife, my dog and mocked me on public television. I'm gonna murder-ize him. You have to train me."
Bulwinkle: "Gee, Rock. Bet you can't pull your leg up over your head."
Rocky Balboa: "Yo, you're on."
Harvey and Barney
Quote from the movie:
Jimmy Stewart: "Oh, Jesus Christ! What the hell is that? Harvey, get the hell away from that thing."
Nunsense and Sensibility
Quote from the movie:
Nun: "All he ever talks about is himself, lately. It's Jesus this and Jesus that. I'm tired of it. Jesus can just go to..."
Emma Thompson: "There is more to life than love, I'm afraid."
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