Faculty and Staff Activities:
At the January meeting, the University's
Board of Trustees approved promotions from assistant to associate
professor for Kirk Hampton (astronomy) and Hondo Kani (sociology
in a global perspective). At the same meeting, Barb Schneider (visual
arts) was officially let go, following her unfortunate stint as
a model for her own life drawing class.
Jackson and Roger Weymouth, adjunct professors of mathematics, attended
a Bay City Rollers concert in April, and it was awesome.
Lydia Boanes, professor of English, held
a small wine and cheese reception on March 5 to celebrate the release
of her first book, titled Vulgarian or Volcano? Images of
Spewing in the Plays of Henry Fielding. In point of fact,
the reception was smaller than desired. Rest assured that she has
recorded the name of every invitee not in attendance, and retribution
will be unexpected and swift.
News and Class Notes has received a postcard
from Jon Frankel, still on his year-long sabbatical studying the
mating behavior of Cancun vacationers. The picture on the
card is amusing, although we suspect that in real life the shark
would be more interested in consuming the girl than her bikini.
There are no alumni alive from 1912.
Asa and Harriet Zalman write: "We
are delighted to see so many young faces when we peruse the alumni
magazine. Its arrival is always a thrill, as it is the only publication
we receive these days. Our budget forced us to let our other
subscriptions lapseeven TV Guide. We used to go to the library,
but it is too far to walk, and we are so tired. Please publish
James Pyle has been awarded a medal by
the Exotic Knights of the Far East for 25 years of dedicated service
as a street sweeper for Harris County, VA.
Elsie Geeseman has retired after a forty
year tenure as the first female head of medicine at Johns Hopkins.
Shirley Pyle regrets to announce the death,
by suicide, of her husband, James, following his retirement. There
will be no wake. Flowers can be sent to the Exotic Knights of the
Far East lodge, main receiving room, Route 4.
Arlene Craig spent the past five years
in federal detention serving part of a life sentence for espionage.
She is now permitted to correspond with those on the outside,
and wishes to apologize to Sally Hemming ('56), Todd Carlson ('55),
Deb Redding ('56), and most of all, her husband George Hudson ('53),
for any information she may or may not have extracted from them
and sold to the Soviets.
Beth "Taffy" Fowler wishes to share the
birth of her granddaughter, Dot.
Jerry and Ginny Salvero had planned to
attend the 45th reunion at the Platinum Best Western Convention
Center, in Augusta. However, they mistakenly attended the
35th reunion being held at the Diamond Ballroom next door (after
a brief snack of bitter herbs, courtesy of the seder being held
in the Ruby Room). Although they did not know anyone, they
feel that it's a testament to the fine people Ole Henry produces
that they enjoyed themselves anyway. They apologize to all
the classmates they had promised to see, especially their leprosy-stricken
friend, Frances Hanson, whom they have not seen since graduation.
There's always the 50th!
Karl Watson implores his classmates to
send him money for the videotapes of their 40th reunion. He
reminds them that they were the ones who said they wanted the tapes,
they said they would be willing to pay $17.00 + $4.00 shipping for
a record of this occasion and that they nominated him to handle
the videography. As of this date, three of the 1,500 videotapes
have been purchased, and Mr. Watson's sporting goods store has been
foreclosed upon. Mr. Watson wishes to inform the class of '64 that
he has acquired an alphabetical list of their addresses from Alumni
Relations, owns a tire iron, and has nothing to lose. Put
out the Welcome mat, classmate Aaron Abrams!
Farley Geeseman was awarded the gold metal
at the last Winter Olympics as part of the U.S. luge team.
Paul Greenbriar is pleased to announce
that his company, (Curd 'n Weight) which produces tofu-based truck
stop sandwiches, went public this year, netting $250 million. He
finally sold the farmhouse, displacing Greg "Roach" Pilgrim ('67),
Linda "The Rack" Wyzcowski ('67), and Terry "Wong-Botter" Garson,
and purchased a 100-acre mansion in northern California. Greg,
Linda, and Terry have moved in with Terry's old man in San Francisco.
Salvador Donahue writes, "when I think
back on the tempestuous year of our graduation, I reflect upon all
we lived throughthe assassinations of Dr. King and Bobby Kennedy,
the war in Vietnam, the riotsand I can't help but think that
those hardships made us the men and women we are today. But,
mostly, I wonder why Kimberly Jaye wouldn't sleep with me, even
though we dated for three years, but then she went straight out
and did it with Tad Burton ('69) and his brother Todd ('67). WHY,
Kimberly, WHY?! Was it because of Bobby? I loved you
so much. I graduated a virgin. Call me."
Rory Geeseman won the Nobel Peace Prize
for his historic work in Belfast. Mike Goodman just wanted to submit
this brief list of classmates he still hates: Amanda Crow, Garth
Reider, James Reigan, Larry Fruse, Audrey Beisch, Uter Schneides,
Holly Harris, Nick Forrest, and Emma Massin. He hopes you
Hello from Sarah Whittaker! She
wants to share the good newsshe has found God. Her blessings
are SO overflowing, as is her desire to share with her class, that
she has sent each of you a flower (both psychically, and via FedEx).
Barry Soder writes on behalf of Dan Stewart:
"Hi. The alumni relations office won't allow me to submit
to class notes, since I didn't technically graduate, (I didn't complete
beginner's lap swim, due to the measles) so I'm having my friend
Barry write in for me. Thanks to everyone for the cards of concern.
It turns out that the results of the biopsy were [DELETED].
I've moved, but you can write me at [ADDRESS DELETED BY EDITOR]."
Zoë Geeseman was just elected Senator
to the great state of New Hampshire.
Jam Stokley just wants to assure everyone
that he keeps on keepin' on. Times are tough, but the Jam-Man
lives for the challenge. Downsizing at Ralston Purina just means
your clothes don't have that tuna stink come Friday! The Jammer
is now a self-employed smoker of butts, kicker of asses, and drinker
of suds. Now here's this issue's patented Jam Recommendations:
1. The movie Blade vampires and katana swords! 2. Skoal
for a hands-free buzz! 3. Earl Grey tea to unwind!
Rustin Householter enjoyed visiting Mexico
last Summer, and he has the sombrero to prove it.
Julie Geeseman was awarded the congressional
medal of honor, for her widely publicized exploits in the Middle
Pat Poller-Walsh's essay "Head Over Heels"
will be included in Trebuchet, an anthology devoted to essays; memoirs;
musings; sonnets; burlesques; epistolary novels; villanelles; bildings-romans;
or romans a clef concerning catapults, or catapult-related matters.
His previous works for Trebuchet include "End Over End" for
issue #9, "Stem Over Stern" for issue #5, and "Topsy-Turvy" for
Jagnes Grosscamp wishes to announce that
she has changed her name to "Mistee."
William R. Geeseman was recently named
Time's "Man of the Year."
Matthew Hickey writes, "I've been spending
the ten years since graduation juggling, playing the saw, maintaining
a website cataloguing interesting matchbooks, learning Esperanto,
painting portraits on velvet, and otherwise engaging in quirky and
novel behavior to shore up my ever-deteriorating sense of myself
as a unique individual and make myself feel better about accomplishing
nothing since college. Jimbo, Gary, Mike, please call.
Darlene Bays, mother of Annie, wrote in
with this update about her daughter: "We couldn't be prouder. Annie
recently wed James Realton, a fine young man who's a partner with
one of Boston's top law firms. She's kept up with her singingshe
always had such a lovely voice! And still has plenty of time to
visit her father and I in Andover. Just wanted to keep you informed!"
Annie Bays writes, "I have been apprised
that my mother may contact you on my behalf. Let me make this
clear: I am unemployed and living with my lover Jessica in San Francisco.
Couldn't be happier, esp. with her breasts. I also drink
alcohol on occasion."
Miriam Shaffer spied classmate Laurie
Geeseman, heir to the vast Geeseman fortune, shortly before her
widely-reported disappearance, exiting a crack house on Atlantic
Avenue. She seemed disoriented, but thin