1. There is a man, Elmer, who lives across
the hall from Joan. They live on the top floor of a small apartment
building 2 blocks from the river. Each apartment has rooftop access.
Joan does not know Elmer feeds pigeons on the roof. Pigeons attacked
Joan's stroller when she was a toddler, pecking her hands until
they bled. Joan's mother fell asleep under a tree and never saw
the birds. Assuming Joan chewed her own fingers, her mother had
Joan committed to the state asylum for insane children, an institution
from which Joan did not emerge until she reached 35 years of age.
Franklin Ponder has a large dog of indeterminate
lineage which he has named "Lincoln" because it is so ugly. When
Lincoln refuses to wear a stove pipe hat, Franklin decides to take
the dog to Washington, DC. The dog is refused admittance to the
Lincoln Memorial and must view it from the Mall. He is, however,
allowed to view the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial Wall.
3. Forty-seven trees were planted outside
the perimeter of Alice's orange grove acreage. Her neighbor refused
to allow the trees to grow taller than 3 feet high because he claimed
they would ruin his view. He lopped off the top half of each tree,
causing the trees to become bush-like. The result, labeled shrub-tree
syndrome by local arborists, became popular with citrus-loving
dwarfs who could then harvest oranges without ladders. Alice was
sued by the Southern Poverty Law Center, even though her orange
grove was in Minnesota and failed to thrive.
Uncle Lloyd told Buddy about Jesus.
After her mother died, Susan admitted
she'd grown weary of the Bering Sea and moved to the desert near
Sedona, Arizona where she hoped to meet unsuitable men. Carl, one
such man, invited Susan to his tent. There was a tremendous thunderstorm.
Golf-ball-size hail shredded the canvas. The dry creek bed gully
next to the campground turned into a raging river. Carl convinced
Susan to stay with the campsite while he drove his Jeep back to
town for help. She believed him because he told her he retired six
years ago after twenty-seven years with the National Park Service.
Although Ed received a monthly stipend
of over $5,000, his list of unattainable wants continued to escalate.
He contacted his attorney who told him his assets would be depleted
in fifteen years if he insisted in draining the trust in such a
manner. He told her to further diversify his portfolio by investing
in pork bellies. She did.
Despite repeated attempts to contact other
class members, Juliette and Imogene were the only 2 people left
from the Massey College of Agriculture Class of 1927 who seemed
at all interested in planning an 80th reunion. They booked a room
at the University Club for May 23rd.