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Pleasant, as Pie

Valerie MacEwan

1. There is a man, Elmer, who lives across the hall from Joan. They live on the top floor of a small apartment building 2 blocks from the river. Each apartment has rooftop access. Joan does not know Elmer feeds pigeons on the roof. Pigeons attacked Joan's stroller when she was a toddler, pecking her hands until they bled. Joan's mother fell asleep under a tree and never saw the birds. Assuming Joan chewed her own fingers, her mother had Joan committed to the state asylum for insane children, an institution from which Joan did not emerge until she reached 35 years of age.


Franklin Ponder has a large dog of indeterminate lineage which he has named "Lincoln" because it is so ugly. When Lincoln refuses to wear a stove pipe hat, Franklin decides to take the dog to Washington, DC. The dog is refused admittance to the Lincoln Memorial and must view it from the Mall. He is, however, allowed to view the Vietnam Veteran's Memorial Wall.

3. Forty-seven trees were planted outside the perimeter of Alice's orange grove acreage. Her neighbor refused to allow the trees to grow taller than 3 feet high because he claimed they would ruin his view. He lopped off the top half of each tree, causing the trees to become bush-like. The result, labeled shrub-tree syndrome by local arborists, became popular with citrus-loving dwarfs who could then harvest oranges without ladders. Alice was sued by the Southern Poverty Law Center, even though her orange grove was in Minnesota and failed to thrive.


Uncle Lloyd told Buddy about Jesus.


After her mother died, Susan admitted she'd grown weary of the Bering Sea and moved to the desert near Sedona, Arizona where she hoped to meet unsuitable men. Carl, one such man, invited Susan to his tent. There was a tremendous thunderstorm. Golf-ball-size hail shredded the canvas. The dry creek bed gully next to the campground turned into a raging river. Carl convinced Susan to stay with the campsite while he drove his Jeep back to town for help. She believed him because he told her he retired six years ago after twenty-seven years with the National Park Service.


Although Ed received a monthly stipend of over $5,000, his list of unattainable wants continued to escalate. He contacted his attorney who told him his assets would be depleted in fifteen years if he insisted in draining the trust in such a manner. He told her to further diversify his portfolio by investing in pork bellies. She did.


Despite repeated attempts to contact other class members, Juliette and Imogene were the only 2 people left from the Massey College of Agriculture Class of 1927 who seemed at all interested in planning an 80th reunion. They booked a room at the University Club for May 23rd.


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