Evening. Unless it's afternoon where you are, then good morning.
As you know, the Pope is dead. The Catholic Church is running around,
trying to find a new Pope--British Royal Family Picture Day style.
So I'm throwing my pointy hat into the ring.
I'm qualified. I have my own staff and everything. And I'm comfortable
with people kissing my ring. Even dudes. Even old dudes. But not
dudes in wheelchairs. I am so serious about that, I can't even tell
are a myriad of reasons why I should be Pope, including that I just
used the word "myriad". I know you're thinking, "But Devon, there's
already a new Pope." And you're right, but he isn't exactly a Hitler
youth anymore. It's simply forward thinking (another reason!)
on my part. So if you're through thinking things I already know,
I'll continue. I would make a great Pope because I'm all about the
people(and the papal). Everyone was very much "up in arms" about
that braindead woman in Florida. If I were Pope, this problem would've
been solved with two 1-900 numbers. One to let her "live", and one
to let her finish dying. It was good enough for Jason Todd, it's
good enough for her. It is my firm belief that the People should
make these decisions. Though there will be room for the People's
decisions to be overturned. The People don't always make the right
choice. I mean, really, Constantine? Before Anthony Federov? Have
you *heard* Federov?
Popes have to name themselves and as everyone
knows, names are important. Pope Benedict Borington The Third or
whatever doesn't seem to. I would be a great Pope because I'd have
a great name. Here are a few I'm considering:
Pope Space Glider
Pope Hannibal(to show my love of plans
A Pope Named Scooby Doo
Pope John Paul IV: Citizens On Patrol
If you were a guy who hated Catholicism,
would you mess with a Pope with any of those names? I can already
tell you the answer is no. There are lots of other reasons I'd be
the greatest Pope since that Pope who built the Pyramids, but you
know, religion is all about faith. So you should just believe me.
Look for me on XBox Live. My screenname
is "Gr8X_Communicator28". I'll completely let you win at Halo 2,
but it'll seem like you beat me really bad. Because that's what
Popes do. They give.